Dakota Beacon

In many small towns around the USA people feel safe and secure. Often, they do not lock their cars and doors. Nowadays they might think twice. No. Not because of an increase in crime. This time of the year friends and neighbors are well advised to especially keep their car doors locked. The idea is not to keep things locked in, but to keep things locked out. With harvest long past, friends and neighbors make anonymous donations of zucchini.

Zucchini! Everywhere you glance you may see zucchini. Supermarkets, farmers’ markets, flea markets, and yard sales -- all extend their offer of zucchini. It’s given away at farm festivals and church bazaars. Unnamed parties leave bags of the stuff in church foyers hoping some needy person will quietly take it. Bags of zucchini and boxes of zucchini adorn the byways. So much zucchini; so little time!

A cardinal rule of gardening always applies. Never provide a novice gardener with zucchini plants. It is a risky business. First-time gardeners take to zucchini so readily because it is so doggone easy to grow. Zucchini is so hardy it even crowds out weeds. I knew a fellow once who planted ten hills of zucchini and had to use Roundup to keep his crop under control.

What to do with the excess fruit of that prolific vine? A good attitude and sense of humor helps mightily.

Obviously, zucchini is meant to be eaten. If only it had a bold, distinct, unique flavor! Dream on. Even deer and flea beetles, given a choice, look elsewhere for dinner.

Fortunately, there are many ways to prepare zucchini. You can fry it. Various batters add to the flavor.

You can bake it, boil it, or stew it.

You can make it into relish, preserves, or jam.

You can use it as a filler in casseroles.

And still the zucchini keeps coming. Will it never end? Rumor has it that Dr. Atkins, before discovering the value of high fat and high protein food in weight loss, experimented with the failed Zucchini Diet. Too bad it never caught on.

Beyond the culinary uses for zucchini are the more imaginative social uses for the fruit.

I know folks with time on their hands who engage in the fine art of zucchini carving. Around Halloween zucchini comes in handy for zuc-o-lanterns as an alternative to the traditional jack-o-lantern. It is a lot cheaper, too. Unfortunately, zucchini art is much like goose poop art. It never really caught on.

Although not recommended, I’ve heard that overly ripe zucchini comes in handy at political rallies during the silly season.

Pioneering research into genetically modified zucchini shows a potential for growing the plant in subzero temperatures. That is good news for the northern tier of states. The bad news is that finding markets might be difficult. Already the European Union and some famine stricken African countries have voiced objections to the marketing of genetically modified organisms (GMO) in their countries. Call this an unfair blow to the zucchini market.

Special recognition is due to the members of the National Zucchini Board for their unflinching persistence against stiff odds. Their tax proposal for a zucchini check-off should go a long way to helping fund the promotion of zucchini products across the nation.

Also, a rare tip-of-the-hat goes to a certain group of legislators in Washington. They have worked tirelessly to curb the wholesale dumping of heavily subsidized Canadian zucchini on US markets. This offers long overdue relief to the depressed zucchini market. No one knows it better than young US farmers struggling to make ends meet. The proposed tariff should help bolster the US market while at the same time keeping zucchini American.

What we really need is an enterprising young entrepreneur to figure out how to convert zucchini into green energy (no pun intended) while at the same time creating jobs in the fledgling zucchini processing industry.

Meanwhile, I’ll do my part. I’ll take my zucchini fried, thank you.

Dennis M. Patrick can be contacted at (JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address).