Dakota Beacon

Last August saw the month of my birth, though I’ll reveal no more. Suffice it to say I’m older than most, but younger than a few.

My Golden Years lie at hand. Entering that realm proves to be a feisty adventure. Obviously, I have not been here before, but I’ve observed enough of this time in life from relatives who have walked the path before me. They imputed an education not gleaned from books.

My parents, rest their souls, were examples to me as they wended their way through their seventies and eighties although they probably didn’t realize it. They unconsciously pursued their parental duties instructing me via their actions.

My dad was a great planner. Some people are just that way. With obvious foresight, he visualized events as they probably should take place. His ability to anticipate any number of circumstances was both a blessing and a curse.

Dad planned for his retirement. He knew where he and Mom would live out their lives and where we kids would be raised until we reached our majority. He mapped his financial obligations, and the retirement income needed to meet his liabilities. Investments cushioned his lifestyle. Dad knew when he would pay off his mortgage and how the freed assets would be used. He provided medical coverage for the family. Yes, indeed, Dad was a planner.

Dad was also a realist. He knew someday the end would come and he wasn’t afraid to confront it. He kept his will current along with a meticulous letter of instruction providing for extra-legal details. His planning extended beyond life itself.

Now comes the diciest part of all – a minute and often overlooked detail. Dad did a better than average job completing a location list. This list pinpointed the location of crucial items needed by his survivors to settle his estate. Be they important documents, passwords, keys, or personal effects, his survivors could find them. Here are specific examples of several items on the list. A will (original and copies), memorial instructions, address book containing key contacts, financial institutions, investment advisors, insurance agents, contracts, leases, deeds, military papers (DD Form 214), tax returns, mortgages, pension plans, checkbooks, credit cards, safety deposit box keys, and more. He gave the list to Mom and we kids knew where to find it.

What a great task for the twilight years. In the absence of such a list, an executor or executrix would face an insurmountable task.

You can imagine my surprise when a certain gap in his planning slowly began to appear. He had planned for retirement, and he planned for death. Overlooked entirely were the intervening years.

It never occurred to Dad to question how he would spend his retirement time. That would be like asking “How will you keep yourself busy until you die?” (I once knew a person who actually thought this way.) But knowing Dad, he would figure it out. That, however, wasn’t the real issue.

The real issue should have been “What happens if I become incapacitated? What if I am suspended somewhere between life and death, not quite alive but not quite dead?”

Incapacitated? The Commission on Aging can point the way, but they can’t live one’s life vicariously. The fact is they offer plenty of options, but each person must actively choose for themselves. Who else can make our plans except ourselves? When we make our plans, we get to choose. Without a plan someone else gets to choose.

Under the best of circumstances, growing old may be a long, slow process. Decreasing mental and physical capabilities accumulate imperceptibly. What then?

What if the brain degrades faster than the body, or vice versa? What then? Assisted living might be the answer -- if a person can afford it.

One possibility might be to buy long-term care insurance. Maybe so. I would recommend it, but that’s not the lesson I carried away.

Help with medical and financial affairs might be necessary. Who should be your guardian? Should it be your spouse, one of your kids, a younger relative, or a neighbor? Or should you take your chances and defer to a court appointed guardian?

Ultimately, it is incumbent upon each of us to think through and to plan. Decisions can and will be made with or without our input. A desired outcome requires our involvement.

Looking back at his life, I realize my dad had no plan for the intervening years. He completely bypassed the twilight of his life. For once he had no plan and I was amazed.

Hindsight is always 20-20. I think I now understand his oversight. Dad always associated with people his own age or younger until his later years when those associations passed away. He always “thought young” and I’ll give him credit for that. He certainly had no experience with folks older than himself. His parents and my mom’s parents passed away before I was even born. How was he to know how to relate to the elderly? How did he know what to expect? He didn’t. Fortunately for me, and inadvertently for them, he and Mom and my parents-in-law illustrated what to expect in the Golden Years. For that I am grateful.

Dennis M. Patrick can be contacted at (JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address).